House of Sacred Mirrors: The Role of Sangha
Healing, awakening and remembering are relational. The deepest transformations happen in community. Sangha is always an emergent, consensual choice.
“The self and the Self are one; knowing this, the wise move in the world as lovers of the Divine in every form.”—Tirumantiram (Tirumular)
Hi everyone,
Some relationships and environments keep us stuck in limiting patterns, while others help us grow and discover who we are. A community of truth seekers can support our personal growth, and how to engage in healthy ways that maintain conscious choices. When we're part of a group that holds us with deep curiosity and unconditional love, embracing both our strengths and our blind spots, incredible transformation becomes possible. The yogic and tantric traditions name this as Sangha, or Kula. But its also just life.
All love, Christine
PS: Come to Hawai’i in September or November for reset and detox.
The Tantric Sangha
I once thought that spiritual and emotional growth were essentially private pursuits. That I could retreat into silence, read the right books or listen to the right podcasts, master the right techniques, and somehow arrive at a stable, awakened, illumined self without ever having to expose my rawest deepest messiest self to another human. That belief mirrored the modern therapeutic lens I was initially steeped in, where self-work is an individualized, internal process pursued in solitude, or perhaps with a single trusted guide/guru/therapist. As if our wounds were personal rather than relational, as if they were unique to us rather than part of the pattern of all humanity, as if healing was something to be ashamed of or done in secret, and required one on one support.
I’ve written in the past of the profundity of sitting in vipassana, in complete silence with no reading or writing for ten days at a time (or longer), and how the quiet of one’s own heart yields profound revelations. How stillness and deep listening to the voice of the divine within is vital. However, more catalytic things have emerged within a field of shared presence, in group process and holding. Here, we see our shared humanity in new ways. The world makes more sense. Connection and understanding of what’s alive in all humanity blooms.
In my traditions, the Kashmir Shaivists call satsanga. The Tamil Siddhant wisdom names it as sat-sangam—literally, "association with being (aka truth) itself." The Siddhas understood that individual realization, however profound, completes itself only when it becomes a field of mutual recognition. Each person becomes seer and seen, both the one who recognizes and the one who is recognized. The deepest intimacy with the Self naturally overflows. Human, animal, ecological, elemental- in relationship, we are realized. We are witnessed, held, and reflected back to ourselves with both tenderness and unwavering honesty. Sangha is this a vehicle for exponential magic.
This understanding appears across traditions: the Sufi sohbet gatherings where hearts attune to divine presence together, the Christian mystical concept of the Body of Christ, the Jewish minyan in which certain sacred experiences and rituals require community.
The teacher (if there is one) remains a touchstone and luminous compass- and the love for this awakened one, this guide, is often deepened and transformed. We also grow to see that what we love in the teacher isn’t separate from our own deepest selves: he or she is our clearest mirror. The transmission moves through the teacher, and also through each other. The invitation of sangha is to move from the profound connection made to and through an enlightened or awakened being, to a broader communion, and to create a living mandala, recognizing that the field itself holds that same intelligence. The sangha is part of the awakening itself, and it is far more than simple companionship.
The sangha is also a morphic field, a shared subtle body. Our nervous systems entrain with one another. We attune. We amplify. We regulate. We expand. When one person in the circle drops into deep presence, it ripples. When someone in grief is truly held, it changes the field. When a moment of real transmission occurs, when Truth cracks through the mask, it feeds all of us. We are doing it for each other, each healing is for everyone on earth. In this way, we become part of something much larger than ourselves. Not diluted. Not enmeshed. But radically awake together. God meeting Itself through form.
In these ceremonial containers, we hold each other. Sobbing, laughing from the depths of essence, in our confusions. We are called back, lovingly, when we try to disappear. We are recognized in our silence. We are burned clean by the other’s loving gaze.
Here are some things a generous and interwoven sangha will do:
Hold the vow when one of us forgets. We remind each othe of what we’re here for, whether that’s a commitment to presence, to truth, to practice, or to love itself. These are the samaya vows of tantric paths…sacred promises made not to a person, but to Reality. When it is invited, we help each other put the teachings and transmissions into practice.
Speak the truth when it's hard to hear. When invited, we name, with the deepest love, when someone’s bypassing, idealizing, dissociating, or collapsing, and call each other back.
Witness each other’s deepest tenderness. We hold one another through the big waves: kundalini flares, dark nights, heartbreak, ego death, elation. We breathe together through the contractions and stay present long enough to welcome what wants to be born.
See what’s luminous before it’s visible. Sometimes others in the field see the soul light in you before you do. We name it. We reflect it. We remind each other who we are.
Contain and transmit lineage. Even when the teacher is not physically present, the sangha carries the transmission. In a look, a touch, a word… lineage moves. Sometimes you hear the teacher’s voice coming out of another's mouth, not in imitation, but in resonance.
Reweave the field after rupture. Rupture and repair are the skills of this age. Conflict and misattunement happen, but in conscious sangha, they become the material for transformation. We stay in the room. We learn repair. We practice love that isn’t based on agreement, but on shared commitment.
And we play. And serve. And in my case, dance a lot.
That said, the Sangha is always an emergent, consensual field.
If I doubt my own belonging in sangha, I remember that belonging is a choice. How much to share in circle, whether to be at the center of community or rest at its edges. I choose to gate or meter my own desires and agreements. I know also that to step away from sangha is fine too. Coming and going is an at-will process. I hold the keys to my own participation. I can choose to step through into deeper dharma sharing, or I choose to sit quietly and listen from the back of the hall. Or not at all for a stretch. All positions are valid. Both serve the community and my own practice at different times in my journey.
I am liberated in knowing that I am not trapped in any group dynamic: not in needing to be seen a certain way, not in staying when my heart calls me elsewhere, not in performing spiritual belonging when what I actually need is solitude with the dharma. The power to engage fully in group practice or withdraw into personal retreat stays with me. I trust my own instincts about when to lean into community and when to step back into solitary practice, without making either choice mean something is wrong with me or the sangha. My belonging is not contingent on others' approval of my path.
This understanding takes the desperation out of community. When I know I can step back whenever I choose, I am free to be genuinely present when I participate. When I know I can always return to sangha, I don't have to cling or grasp. I can attend and move into and out of any other communities as well, as inspired, and begin the grandest of interweavings. The at-will nature of sangha honors my sovereignty as a practitioner or participant completely.
I belong to the light first, to my own awakening. The sangha is a beautiful support for that belonging, but never its source. With that essential knowing, I bring my full heart here. Home and lifted and hopeful.
We awaken with the world, inside of relationship, with our family, friends, in community. With the sangha.
In love,
Christine Marie
The Tantric Sangha- Q & A
Q: How do I find an authentic spiritual community?
Look for groups that:
Honor individual sovereignty and choice
Allow questioning and disagreement
Focus on mutual recognition rather than hierarchy
Practice what they teach in daily life
Welcome both participation and stepping back
Emphasize direct spiritual experience over beliefs
Avoid communities that:
Control coming and going
Demand specific behaviors or beliefs
Create dependency on the group for self-worth
Discourage outside relationships or perspectives
Q: I'm introverted/shy. Can I still benefit from sangha?
Absolutely. Sangha honors all positions - you can:
Participate from the edges rather than center
Listen more than share
Choose your level of vulnerability
Take breaks for solitary practice
Contribute through presence rather than words
The key is showing up authentically as you are, not performing extroversion.
Q: What's the difference between sangha and regular friendship/community?
Sangha has conscious spiritual intention:
Shared commitment to awakening/growth
Willingness to witness transformation
Practice of seeing divine nature in each other
Skills in navigating spiritual challenges together
Understanding that individual healing serves collective awakening
Regular friendship may have some of these elements but usually lacks the explicit spiritual framework.
Q: How much should I share in circle/group settings?
Share what feels authentic in the moment. Consider:
Your current capacity and vulnerability level
Whether sharing serves your growth or just releases emotion
If you're seeking healing vs. performing spirituality
Whether you can stay present with others' responses
You're never obligated to share beyond your comfort level.
Q: What if I disagree with the teacher or group direction?
Healthy sangha welcomes questioning:
Express disagreement respectfully and directly
Ask for clarification rather than assuming intentions
Remember you can "vote with your feet" if needed
Use disagreement as opportunity for deeper inquiry
Trust your own discernment about what resonates
If questioning isn't welcomed, consider whether this is truly conscious community.
Q: How do I handle feeling left out or not belonging?
Remember that belonging is a choice, not something others give you:
Notice if you're making belonging contingent on others' approval
Ask yourself what authentic participation looks like for you
Consider if you're comparing your insides to others' outsides
Practice belonging to your own truth first
Communicate your needs clearly rather than expecting others to guess
Sometimes feeling on the edge is exactly where you need to be.
Q: What if someone in the group triggers me repeatedly?
This is often valuable spiritual material:
Notice what specifically triggers you and why
Ask if this person mirrors something you haven't accepted in yourself
Practice staying present with your reaction without making them wrong
Set appropriate boundaries while doing your inner work
Consider if this is projection or genuine incompatibility
The trigger may be your greatest teacher or a sign to adjust your participation.
Q: How do I know if spiritual community is becoming codependent?
Warning signs include:
Feeling unable to function without group approval
Making major life decisions based on group pressure
Losing touch with friends/family outside the community
Feeling guilty for having doubts or wanting space
Group becoming your primary identity
Healthy sangha supports your sovereignty, not dependence.
Q: What about conflicts within the sangha?
Conscious community expects and works skillfully with conflict:
Address issues directly rather than gossiping
Focus on behavior and impact rather than character assassination
Use conflict as opportunity for deeper understanding
Practice repair after rupture
Remember you can disagree and still love
If the community can't handle conflict maturely, it may not be truly conscious.
Q: Can sangha replace individual practice?
No. Sangha supports but never replaces:
Personal meditation/contemplative practice
Individual relationship with divine/truth
Solo retreat and reflection time
Personal therapy or healing work
Direct spiritual experience
Think of sangha as fertilizer for your individual practice, not a substitute.
Q: How does transmission work in group settings?
Transmission can happen through:
Silent presence and energetic attunement
Witnessing someone's breakthrough or recognition
Spontaneous moments of shared truth
Embodied teaching through example
Sacred ritual or ceremony together
It's often more subtle than dramatic, felt as shifts in awareness or opening.
Q: What if I outgrow my spiritual community?
This is natural and healthy:
Honor what the community gave you
Leave with gratitude rather than criticism
Trust your inner guidance about timing
Stay open to future connection
Seek new community aligned with your current growth
Spiritual communities serve different phases of development.
Q: How often should I participate in sangha activities?
This varies greatly by person and life circumstances:
Regular attendance builds deeper relationships
Sporadic participation can still be meaningful
Quality of presence matters more than quantity
Life seasons may require different levels of involvement
Trust your intuition about sustainable participation
Q: What about online vs. in-person spiritual community?
Both have value:
In-person benefits:
Fuller energetic presence and transmission
Embodied practices and physical comfort
Stronger nervous system regulation
More complete communication
Online benefits:
Access regardless of geography
Easier for those with mobility/social challenges
Can supplement local community
Good for teaching and discussion
Many people benefit from a combination.
Q: How do I start a sangha if none exists in my area?
Begin small and organically:
Find even one other person interested in conscious spiritual community
Start with simple practices: meditation, discussion, study groups
Use online resources to supplement local gathering
Focus on quality of presence over spiritual performance
Be patient - authentic community takes time to develop
Consider connecting with existing networks or teachers for guidance
Bottom Line
Spiritual awakening is not a solo journey. Conscious community provides the relational field where we can see ourselves clearly, be witnessed in our transformation, and recognize the divine nature we share. True sangha honors both deep spiritual commitment AND individual sovereignty - supporting your awakening without creating dependence. The key is choosing community that calls forth your highest self while allowing complete freedom to come and go as your inner wisdom guides.
