Face Yourself.

The swiftest path to profound self-respect and expansive energy.

Hi all, I’m in South India at the moment, in a deep dive on unity consciousness to accompany my thesis. One of the sayings here is that Love is the Only Power, which is to say that everything somehow dissolves into love when you look at it long enough. I’ve been with a group of more than 150 advanced practitioners from around the world. Even among these global teachers, everyday I see people bring places in their subconscious to light for the first time, noticing things that still drive their behavior and limit their capacity in practical ways. It’s more confirmation of what I have witnessed in my classes and trainings in the last decade: the swiftest path to profound self-respect and expansive energy comes from fully embracing what has been repressed or rejected within.

Facing shadow beliefs is actually a joy process: a little brave and probably difficult mucking about, for an immense lifelong payback.

So today’s writing is on that: the deep freeze of repressed emotions, how to accompany yourself in unwinding them, and the beauty on the other side.

On another note: The registration for my May Living Tantra retreat in the Blue Ridge Mountains is open! Please come! We will dive into practices to resensitize and attune ourselves; to free the mind and emotions; we will move and sweat and feed the body beautifully; we will connect with ourselves, each other and earth. We will fall in love, you know? With life just as it is.

XOXOX CMM

When we suppress or freeze difficult emotions, we expend enormous resources—mentally, emotionally, and physically—to keep those emotions sealed off. Just as a household freezer quietly drains energy around the clock, the continuous effort to suppress our deepest feelings or maintain some kind of mask depletes us on every level: physically, psychologically, and energetically. Our body and psyche must continually exert effort to keep emotions contained, which drains our vitality and can manifest as body and mind dysfunctions, such as chronic fatigue, anxiety, or mental fog.

Moreover, emotions that remain frozen can distort our perception of events and relationships, making us less than accurate perceivers reducing our emotional resilience over time. Not a very fun situation. When we learn to open the “freezer door” and allow these emotions to thaw, we free up an enormous wellspring of vitality.

Sitting with ourselves—fully, nakedly, fearlessly—is one of the most radical acts of love you can offer. It’s a fierce, unrelenting, and compassionate love that holds space for every shadowed corner of your being. To face yourself is to meet what you have denied, rejected, or abandoned within—the behaviors that unsettle you, the feelings that terrify you, the memories you have sought to escape.

By going into the cave we fear to enter—facing the emotions we worked so hard to avoid—we discover the treasure we seek: the direct experience that all apparent darkness is actually a form of waiting light. This realization brings an unshakeable certainty into our daily lives. No matter how frightening or hopeless our inner world seems, the invitation is to show up with the simplest “yes” and just watch what unfolds.

Another thing about suppression is that it can keep us stuck at being merely okay or comfortable. Yet our deepest nature is wired to “fly”—to experience freedom, creativity, and love. When we cling to what’s familiar out of fear, we generate a subtle self-loathing because we know, at some level, that we’re built to go further.

Real self-respect and self-love emerge from being brave enough to confront the darkness head-on, trusting that we have grown since childhood, and we can now receive the support and insight we once lacked.

In essence, the darkest emotions we avoid are precisely where the greatest light—and transformation—await. By being willing to face them, we open ourselves to forgiveness, healing, and the vast love that was always ours. Our authentic emotional life—once perceived as a threat—becomes the source of profound creativity and power. Ultimately, facing oneself leads to the most freedom, joy and ease possible in a human body.

The Sciency High Cost of Suppressed Emotions

Chronic emotional suppression is associated with elevated cortisol levels, which over time disrupts blood glucose regulation, negatively impacts immune function, and contributes to weight gain and insulin resistance.

Research from institutions studying mind-body connections has shown that repressed emotions correlate with decreased immune function, making individuals more susceptible to colds, infections, and other illnesses.

A longitudinal study published in the Journal of the American Heart Association found that chronic anger suppression and high stress responses significantly increase the risk of hypertension and coronary artery disease.

A study in the journal Pain reported that individuals who habitually suppress emotions are more prone to chronic musculoskeletal pain, such as tension headaches or lower back pain. Unprocessed emotions manifest as muscle tension, restricted breathing, or other physiological imbalances that lead to pain or mobility issues.

Gastrointestinal issues, such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) or chronic indigestion, have been linked to heightened stress and emotion suppression. The gut-brain axis plays a significant role in how stress responses affect digestion. Suppression triggers the sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight response), diverting energy away from digestion and potentially leading to chronic digestive problems.

Constant high-stress states—including suppressed emotions—can disrupt the delicate balance of hormones like thyroid hormone, estrogen, and testosterone, according to research in Psychoneuroendocrinology. Hormonal imbalances can show up as mood swings, reproductive challenges, sleep disturbances, and other systemic health issues.

Over time, pushing emotions away makes us less adept at coping with life’s ups and downs. We have fewer tools for authentic processing, which can amplify anxiety or depression. When our emotions remain under wraps, genuine intimacy and open communication in relationships suffer. Loved ones may sense our emotional distance, which can breed misunderstandings or conflict. Several studies suggest that individuals who habitually suppress emotions have a higher likelihood of developing mood disorders. The unprocessed energy of anger, grief, or fear continues to reverberate through the psyche, fueling chronic stress responses. A meta-analysis in Clinical Psychology Review found that emotional suppression often correlates with decreased life satisfaction and sense of purpose. We are biologically wired for emotional expression, connection, and processing; blocking those pathways can undermine our sense of vitality.

Coming into a More Radiant Wholeness

From the moment we take our first breath, we begin a process of separation—learning what is supposedly “good” or “bad” about us, which behaviors earn acceptance and which risk rejection. This conditioning often teaches us to protect ourselves by cutting away or hiding our more vulnerable dimensions. Over time, we become skilled at fitting in but less skilled at knowing who we truly are. We armor against fear, shame, and pain. Yet, the parts of us that were exiled, repressed, or disowned never really disappear; they linger in the hidden corridors of our psyche. Sometimes, they burst into our awareness as fear, anger, or grief, demanding our attention. Other times, they discreetly shaped our relationships, choices, and self-image from the shadows.

The invitation to grow up and truly face ourselves is not about “fixing” what is broken, because in truth, nothing about us is broken. Rather, it is an awakening to the fullness of our being—to see every part of us as belonging.

This means recognizing that even our deepest shadows hold the potential for light.

Turning toward ourselves with fierce compassion and radical inclusion is the way out.

Facing ourselves begins when we drop those mental labels of “good” or “bad.” These dualities, inherited from hierarchical and perfectionistic conditioning, often running a background program we’re not even aware of, distort how we see reality and pit us against ourselves.

The art of turning toward ourselves is a willingness to sit with who we are, as we are. We might not initially like what we see— it may come with a lot of shame or sorrow—but the practice is to regard these revelations with compassionate neutrality. We no longer push away the “unwanted” parts; we hold them in a compassionate embrace.

This type of self-facing allows every part of us to surface and to be recognized as a valid piece of our experience. Whether it is fear trembling at our core or anger roaring through our bloodstream, or very often deep sometimes existential shame, we hold it in our arms as though it were an innocent child needing care, safety, and acknowledgment.

In turning inward, we often meet a familiar voice that tries to keep us safe through judgment or suppression. This “utility protector” or “inner critic” tirelessly scans for threats and prescribes “solutions”: hide more, be smaller, or forcefully control. By simply noticing it, we bring compassion to the part of us that equates worthiness with perfection. With tenderness, we let this voice know we appreciate its efforts, but that true safety lies in wholeness, not fragmentation.

Defrosting

Create a space where you are feel safe to be vulnerable, either quietly with our own selves, or with trusted companions who hold nonjudgmental presence. Somewhere we can listen to the thinnest of whispers from the subconscious mind. Here, we consciously turn TOWARDS discomfort.

At first it can be fucking HARD to touch the gunk in the most shadowed self concept- many people report a feeling of deep unworthiness, shame, dependency, victim thinking, separation. BUT, when we allow buried or unconscious patterns to surface and be transformed, when we imagine offering these feelings to a flame, and allow them to be witnessed without agenda (no attempting to change anything!), they move and transform. Maybe when we feel fear, shame, or grief arise, we practice breathing into them rather than running away. We quickly learn that discomfort is a threshold—not an enemy. When we witness, but do not fix, we discover that what we once judged as “ugly” or “bad” has its own wisdom.

I love how my friend and teacher Patrick Connor names it: he says by sticking with an uncomfortable process, we can "call the bluff of the darkness" and transmute it into light. For example, when someone is making you wrong or criticizing you, instead of defending yourself or trying to prove them wrong, welcome the entire experience. Feel the emotionals associated with it, and then welcome them even more deeply. When something triggers you, instead of reacting or trying to change the situation, stay present with the uncomfortable feelings, seeing it as an opportunity to process and transmute non-joy into joy. In situations of collective trauma or shame, attempt to recognize and name things as they are, owning the shadow as part of the healing process rather than running from it.

The key in all these examples is to approach the darkness or difficulty with an attitude of openness, inclusion, and the certainty that it contains light. Patrick describes this as going into the "cobwebby door" that seems dark and dangerous, but actually holds hidden treasures. When encountering a fear or something that seems threatening, approach it with the knowing that it's not actually darkness, but light in disguise.

We can even speak to our shadows. We name the parts of ourselves that have been unheard or unseen. If we sense anger, we address it directly: “Anger, we see you here. Tell us about yourself.” If a past memory resurfaces, we inquire into its narrative: “What are you here to teach us?” Speaking to our shadow is an act of profound respect—it tells these neglected parts they are finally welcome.

Side note: throughout these processes, it helps to hold the intention that we are bringing the light into these frozen places to tap into our deepest potential— and to remind ourselves that we are luminous beings capable of transforming density into freedom.

As we learn to unify the fragmented aspects of ourselves, we move toward a state of integrity—where our inner reality aligns with our outer expression. This alignment unveils a spacious, authentic joy. It is the joy of meeting life unguarded, free to be ourselves in every moment.

The act of facing ourselves is both tender and fierce—a gesture of radical love that refuses to abandon any part of us. We sit in the stillness of our own presence, and open our hearts to every emotion, memory, and fragment of our story, and become our own sanctuary.

In facing ourselves, in freeing up all of that repressed energy, we will find our boldest, most unique and expressive creative capacity.

-CMM