Founder Letter: RBDSMA, Talk Before Intimacy

Dear Rosies,

It’s sunset, and I’m sitting with a man—a certain kind of beautiful trouble. We have history. There’s a deep attraction, but I’m also cautious. He leans in and, with a low murmur, asks if tonight’s the night. Will we finally wake up together? His words hit me deep in my belly. But despite the intensity of the moment, I’ve been practicing self-awareness and tuning into my intuition, and I realize that my answer is no. Not because I’m disconnected from my desire, but because I recognize the importance of honoring my own feelings. My no comes from a place of intelligence.

In this moment, I’m reminded of a conversation with my friend Viraja, an intimacy coach, about RBDSMA—a framework for open, honest conversations before intimacy. So I take a breath, look him in the eye, and go straight to the “M” (Meaning). I ask, “If we sleep together, what would that mean to you?” He could have said, “It’s just fun,” but instead he says, “It would mean we’re starting a relationship.” That’s when I share that I’m not in a place to start something like that, at least not now. This way, we call out the mismatched expectations that could lead to hurt later.

Over the next 10 days, we work through all the letters of the acronym. It was a most conscious way to engage, the most present and attuned way I have ever experienced of entering, and this clarity was so fun and joyful. Only then did my body fully relax, allowing me to feel my true yes. 

So today I am sharing the full RBDSMA protocol for your reflection- maybe it will be of value to you, as it has been to me.

Also, thank you to those of you who have joined the upcoming course! if you’re interested in learning more about Living Tantra, we are having two more information sessions, this week and next. 

Happy loving! Be it, give it, receive it, live it.

All love, 

Christine Marie

Founder, Rosebud Woman

Host, The Rose Woman podcast